


Please Pick Me

by agoodpersonrose



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crushes, Episode: s03e11 Stop Saying Lice!, First Kiss, Happy Ending, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Stevie Budd is a Troll, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:34:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25732183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agoodpersonrose/pseuds/agoodpersonrose
Summary: Unable to handle pining for Patrick, David comes up with a plan of self-preservation.Part one? It's time to find someone else for Patrick to date.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 18
Kudos: 185





	Please Pick Me

David doesn’t sleep well the rest of the night he spends at Stevie’s hiding from his sister’s recent lice infection. He can see her out of the corner of his eye, her chest moving slowly with her breaths, completely relaxed and at ease. David, meanwhile, can’t get his muscles to relax.

The thing about Stevie is that she has always had this annoying ability to read him like a book. So, when she started bringing up how Patrick was an ‘eligible bachelor’, and that they ‘really get along well’, she is unknowingly tapping on exactly what had been causing David so much distress since the other man had stalked into his store and made himself a partner at Rose Apothecary.

It’s true. They do get along well.

Patrick has this sharp sense of humour which is so well matched to David. He doesn’t think he’s ever met anyone that can match him so easily punch for punch without doing real damage. Patrick’s teasing is light-hearted, and David is always in on the joke, and things had gotten so comfortable and familiar at the store that perhaps David’s brain had started to imagine what that particular sense of humour would look like in a relationship with him.

Such imagining is dangerous and will only lead to heartbreak. He keeps having to remind himself of this fact as he catches Patrick’s eye across the store, smiling fondly and always full of mirth. It’s as if he wants David to get his hopes up.

Just this morning, Patrick had offered for David to crash at his place to escape the lice infestation. He teased him, called him ridiculous, and then offered to open up his home to David.

Who even _does_ that?

David tosses and turns long into the night, careful not to disturb his bed mate, and feigns a rush in the morning to make his escape. If Stevie is surprised by his eagerness to leave her apartment she doesn't comment, and he is out of there in an instant.

He heads straight to the store, arriving there just as Patrick is putting his own key in the door to let himself in.

“David?” He says as he approaches, an exaggerated frown on his face. “What are you doing here so early? I wasn’t expecting you for at least another hour or so.”

“Well, you know. Stevie had to go to the motel early, so I got kicked out.”

“Ah,” Patrick nods, “So what you’re saying is that you should have taken me up on _my_ offer.”

“Oh, and why’s that?”

Patrick frowns as if confused. “Because then you would have been allowed to sleep longer?” He says tentatively. “Ray works from his home office so you could have just stayed in bed until you were ready to get up.”

“I’m sorry, rewind,” David says with a little rolling hand gesture as they step into the store and head to the back room to start stashing their bags away. “You live with Ray?”

“David, we met at Ray’s.”

“Yes, because you were working for him!” David exclaims. “I didn’t realise you also _lived_ with him!”

“Oh, I must have forgotten to mention that little detail when I made my offer,” Patrick says, but he’s smiling as if he’s teasing David, which automatically makes him smile back. “But really, weighing up all the options, you could still be in bed right now, David. I’m an early riser but I’m pretty quiet so, I could have just left you in my bed and met you here at your usual time.”

David blinks in surprise as the words sink in. “I’m sorry, bed- singular?” He asks with a sly look.

Patrick flushes bright red, the tips of his ears burning as he looks up at David. “Well, I- It’s probably a good thing that you chose to stay with Stevie instead, huh?”

“Hm.”

Finally free of his jacket and bag, Patrick seems unsure of how to proceed. He stands and watches David for a moment longer as he puts his notebooks and pens out on the desk, then seems to realise how awkward it is to stand there, and heads through the curtain. It sways behind him in his wake, and David pauses a moment to watch it.

It’s officially getting too much for him to keep getting his hopes up about Patrick. Teasing comments are one thing, but the insinuation that he would have been sleeping in Patrick’s bed last night, and that the other man even seemed to want him there is just too much to bear.

David has to come up with a plan to burst his own bubble before it grows too overwhelming and takes over his life, and his business.

He’s got to find someone for Patrick to date so he can stop getting his hopes up every time they so much as smile at each other across the room. The only question now is _who?_

***

The day is relatively busy, and by midday they are both exhausted from being on their feet. Instead of taking their lunch shifts to keep the store open, they agree to close for an hour and head to the café together, claiming a well-deserved break.

It’s here, sliding into a booth together, that David makes his first attempt.

“Hi guys, what can I get you today?” Twyla asks, notebook already prepped and ready and pen hovering as the approaches the table.

“I’ll have a Caesar salad, please.” David says slowly, his eyes shifting between Twyla and Patrick as a plan is already forming in his mind.

“Sure, anything to drink?”

“Just a mint tea, thank you so much.”

“Okay,” she scribbles his order down, her eyebrows creasing in concentration, before turning to Patrick. “How about you?”

“I’ll just have the BLT, thanks Twyla,” Patrick says, already closing up his menu and handing it to her, “and a mint tea as well.”

“Of course, I’ll get that sorted for you,” she says, making her notes. “By the way, my Mom said to thank you for the gift basket of foot products you recommended. Her gout has basically cleared up completely!”

Patrick smiles but looks vaguely disgusted at Twyla’s announcement. “Well, that’s good to hear, but I did tell her when she came in that the creams aren’t medically approved or anything. She really should see a doctor.”

“Oh, it’s fine. One time, my Uncle Benny chopped off a finger and they just put it in ice and bandaged it up and he was totally fine.”

“Was he really?” Patrick asks, raising one of his invisible eyebrows in shock and looking over to David with wide eyes as if to pull him in on a joke.

“Well, it depends on how you look at it. He did lose his hand a few months later after some weird infection, but he says that had nothing to do with the finger, so who really knows?”

“Mm, perhaps if he’d come to the store we could have given him some hand cream for that.” Patrick jokes, making David bite his bottom lip to stop the laugh bubbling in his stomach from escaping.

“Oh, it was way before the store opened. I’ll let him know to come and see you if it happens again though!”

Twyla smiles at them one final time before heading off to place their order, leaving David under the heat of Patrick’s amused look.

“Wo-ow,” Patrick breathes, pushing air through his teeth but smiling amusedly. “We should really check our labels and make sure we have a note ensuring that we don’t give out medical advice. I think Twyla’s whole family could sue us at this point if we’re not careful.”

David lets his smile out finally and rolls his eyes.

“I didn’t know you were so close with Twyla’s family,” he says slowly, leaning over the table as if gossiping. “Seems like you really get along well.”

“Um, I guess. Some of them come into the store sometimes.”

Patrick is frowning at David with confusion, so he makes it clearer.

“Twyla, I mean. Seems like maybe there could be something there?” He wiggles his shoulders back and forth to emphasise his point, but stops when Patrick’s face falls.

Patrick blinks in surprise, and flushes red, he fiddles with the cuffs of his shirt which is rolled up to his elbow and shifts in his seat uncomfortably. “Why- Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know, you just seem to really like her, so--”

“Are you asking me if I’m into Twyla?” Patrick hisses, ducking his head to keep his voice low and not draw attention to them.

“Here’s your drinks. I’ll be over in just a few moments with your food,” Twyla interrupts, placing two mugs of tea on the table in front of them.

“Thank you.” Patrick avoids her eye which makes her blink in surprise and turn to David who just shrugs.

She heads away again, and David turns back to his business partner with an apologetic look. “I was just curious; I haven’t seen you with anyone since you got here, and I was just interested about whether or not you were dating anyone. I didn’t mean to assume or anything.”

Patrick’s shoulders slump and he relaxes slightly, nodding. “It’s okay, David. I’m not dating anyone right now; I’m far too committed to the store if that’s what you’re worried about.”

It’s a weak attempt to lighten the mood but David can see how hard Patrick is trying to turn the conversation around. “Well, that’s certainly good to hear--”

“What about you? Are you dating anyone?” Patrick blurts out.

David’s stomach sinks, and he shakes his head, making a quiet noise to indicate the negative.

They are silent for a moment, wallowing in the awkwardness of the conversation, but by the time their food arrives they have recovered, and started a passionate debate about the place of essentials such as toilet paper and plungers in their very specific store.

David lets himself hope for a while that perhaps Patrick is telling the truth about his commitment to the store but remains adamant that he should find someone for him. If only for his own self-preservation.

***

His second attempt comes along quicker than he would think. Back at the store after lunch, the crowd from earlier seems to have dissipated, leaving the two men alone. Patrick has been on the phone for half an hour while David perches behind the front counter, sketching out new ideas for a window display.

He is so engrossed in his work that he doesn’t realise Patrick is stood in front of him until he waves an arm into his point of view, finally drawing David’s attention up from the paper.

“David, I need you to go to Heather Warner’s farm again and ask her to sign that exclusivity deal with us.”

David groans and looks up to pout at Patrick, standing across from him with his hands on his hips.

“Mm, I don’t want to though.”

“She’s not going to sign the deal if we don’t keep asking.”

“Didn’t you just ask? On the phone?” David asks, grimacing in distaste at the thought of a long journey right now. “I don’t want to drive all the way, and I couldn’t leave you alone in the store like that.”

“I think I can handle the store for an hour or so while you take a trip to Heather, it’s really not that far.”

It’s then that the idea hits him, and David looks slyly up at Patrick who seems to realise the changing tone of the conversation and begins to look nervous.

“You can’t keep sending me on these vendor trips, you know,” he says. “How are you supposed to meet someone if you never even go and see them. Heather is very nice; she’s attractive and smart, has her own goats. Maybe you should take this one, see if you can score a date.”

This time, instead of looking upset, Patrick seems to look frustrated. He rolls his eyes and fixes David with a stern gaze.

“You can’t try and use this whole setting up thing that you’re trying to do as an excuse to get me to do the jobs you don’t want to do, David.”

“Okay, but if you look at it this way. I’m actually doing you a favour--”

“Go to Heather Warner’s farm, David. You’re the spokesperson for the business and I have no interest in ‘scoring a date’, so… Maybe you should try if you're so interested in her?”

“Oh,” David breathes, trying not to get upset. “Well, I’m not really interested in dating Heather, so I don’t think--”

“So, we’re agreed.”

Suddenly Patrick is in his face, he’s inches away and David has half a mind to panic at the thought that he is about to get kissed. His heart rate speeds up and he’s moments away from closing his eyes when he feels Patrick’s hands on his shoulders, spinning him around and giving him a small push to the lower back towards the door.

“What?” David mumbles, stumbling in that direction with a backwards glance at Patrick.

“Neither of us are interested in Heather, but we’re very interested in her goat cheese. Bring some back for me.”

Before David can argue, Patrick is looking back down at his spreadsheets with a small, pleased smile on his face. David sighs and turns on his heel, glaring at Patrick through the glass of the window on his way out, which just makes the other man laugh.

***

The drive is not as bad as David had been expecting, but he’s tired from a day in the sun, and full to the brim of cheese. He hadn’t secured the exclusivity deal, but Heather was willing to extend her current contract to include more variety which he supposes is a good thing.

His mood is significantly dampened when he arrives back in the store to find his business partner and Stevie engaged in what is apparently an extremely amusing conversation in the middle of his store.

He stalks in, looking between the two of them with suspicion.

“What’s going on here?” He asks, staring straight at Patrick with a tense jaw and upset frown. “What, you sent me away just so you could have some alone time with Stevie? Are you trying to chat _her_ up now?”

Stevie blinks in surprise, clearly aware that she has entered a tense situation, and moves slowly towards the door. “I came to drop off your toiletry bag. Patrick took it for you, it’s behind the counter.”

She leaves a wide berth around David as she shifts towards the door, and his shoulders slump in embarrassment.

“Well, thank you,” he replies, dropping the paper bags Heather had sent him away with on the counter with a sigh.

“I should head back to work, bye Patrick. Bye David.”

With that, Stevie is gone, leaving the two men alone in the store. Patrick is still looking at David curiously but he ignores it, choosing instead to pull the small pot of quiche out of the bag and slide it across the desk towards him.

“Heather sent me back with this for you.”

“Well, that’s very nice of her,” Patrick says, pulling it towards him with a wary look. “Did she say anything nice about me?” He tries to tease, but David just scowls, looking at his fingernails and feigning disinterest.

“You know, I really don’t know. I was told you weren’t interested in her.”

“David, I’m--”

Before Patrick can continue that sentence, the bell on the door rings and some customers step in. David goes quickly into customer service mode and plasters on a grin, heading over to them and leaving Patrick gaping in his wake.

By the time the customers have left the store, the general mood of the room still hasn’t much improved. David flips the sign at closing time and sets about completing the evening chores while Patrick taps away at his calculator at the counter.

“You know, Stevie seems nice.” Patrick breaks the silence after a while.

David hums in agreement.

“She had a lot of good things to say about you.”

“Well, I wouldn’t listen to her too closely,” David says dismissively, focusing on sweeping the floor and decidedly avoiding looking up at Patrick.

“I like her, she seems nice.”

David freezes. He blinks harshly, begging his body not to respond with tears, and risks a look up at Patrick who is watching him curiously.

“Oh, well. She seems to like you too.”

Patrick nods, looking pleased but not enthused by the information, which doesn’t match what they’ve said, so David continues.

“If it’s Stevie that you’re interested in then you know, I could always help you set something up.”

Patrick snorts, but when he looks up at David he frowns as if confused.

“What do you mean? Like, on a date?”

“Well, yeah. You just said you liked her, so I was just trying to be helpful.”

Patrick lets out a huff of laughter but it’s starting to sound less amused and more annoyed.

“I’m not interested in dating _Stevie,_ David.”

“Why not?” David asks, suddenly defensive of his friend. “I know that she’s a bit standoffish sometimes but she’s really attractive, and surprisingly thoughtful. You’d be lucky to have her.”

“I have no doubt in that, David.”

“Then why don’t you want to go on a date with her then? You could make this easier for me, you know!” David exclaims, waving his hands around in annoyance and dropping his broom in the process.

“You really don’t get it do you?” Patrick asks, approaching him slowly. David drinks in the sight of him walking steadfast towards him, before snapping his eyes away to look elsewhere. “David--?”

David turns to respond and as he does, Patrick catches his lips in a chaste kiss. His hand cups David’s jaw, keeping him steady as their lips move against each other momentarily, before pulling back with a nervous expression.

David raises a hand to his lips in surprise. A smile immediately breaks out on his face, spreading to Patrick’s as well as they just look at each other softly for a moment.

“Well. I mean. If you’re interested in guys, then I’m sure Jake would be available? He’s very open minded and--”

“David?”

He nods, unable to keep the smile from spreading on his flushed face, as Patrick’s even gaze locks back onto his eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Shut up,” he growls, swooping back in and catching his lips in a firm, wanting kiss. It’s more confident, and sure of itself than before, and Patrick takes more; his tongue probing at David’s lips and tangling together with his.

David moans slightly as Patrick pulls back just to bite at the corner of his lips, but it doesn’t hurt. Patrick is smiling too much to get any real traction, but the skim of teeth makes David’s knees give out, and he’s sure he’d swoon to the floor like a maiden if it weren’t for Patrick’s vice-like grip on his hips, holding him steady against the other man while simultaneously pressing the full length of their bodies together.

“You know- you could set me up- with someone- if you wanted.” Patrick says, pulling back momentarily to talk before swooping back in and pecking David’s lips at every viable pause.

_“Mm_ \-- that’s good.”

“David?” Patrick pulls back, holding him still and catching his eye. “ _You’re_ the one that I’m interested in. I’m into _you_. Is that- okay?”

David just kisses him again, and again, letting himself get lost in the heady feeling of being wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> I might end up creating a series of jealousy fics I'm such a big fan of writing these!
> 
> Thank you to the RA discord for the second-hand inspiration for this fic as well as being generally amazing! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, leave a comment and kudos if you feel the desire! 🌼


End file.
